The Start of a New Year

Today on 1st January I am very conscious of writing a new years newsletter to you that will uplift you and give you lots of advice for the year ahead.

I got some of the answers I was looking for in tips to include this morning as I started the day wonderfully with a walk and enjoyed the lovely crisp morning with blue sky’s and enjoyed a feast of a breakfast afterwards that included a mouthwatering fresh croissant laced with butter and raspberry jam… but then I opened the newspaper …. and to add to the less than pleasant headlines I also overheard some rather depressing interviews on the radio.

After giving up on a pleasant read I closed the newspaper and switched to Lyric FM and my world revolved back to one of peace and bliss.

I am very aware that our economy gives plenty of ammunition for negativity, depression and fear but what will that do to improve things!

Instead of looking for things to …( dare I use the word)  ’bitch’ about,    I myself am choosing to steer my thoughts in more pleasant directions because when I do that – I feel better, I sleep better, I am happier, my immune system strengthens, I am nicer to be around and I have better creativity.

So would you like to join me in spreading some cheer this new year?

Yes I know I hear some of you saying “But I am out of work or my marriage is on the rocks or I cant pay the bills or I am afraid I am going to lose my  job” and the list goes on and on .. there is nobody in this country who is not challenged on some level in their lives at this time, but putting a magnifying glass on what is wrong only makes it bigger and bigger and bigger until that is all that can be seen.

So lets close the door on that and instead look in the mirror and ask yourself a few questions like, what steps you can take to improve how you feel mentally and physically..  Let me help you here…

Step 1 .. Improve the Relationship you have with YOU!
Get a mirror in your hand..
In picking up the mirror you can begin by telling yourself that from now on you choose to

• stop criticizing yourself .. yes you heard right!
• forgive yourself for any mistakes big or small in the past.. learn from them and move on!
• start praising yourself even for the smallest of changes that you adopt..

and now notice how much better you are beginning to feel already….

Step 2:  Let go of the Moan n Grown Society! 
So, you might ask me “How can I get away from Mrs O or Mr Mc,,, who is constantly giving out and moaning about everything from the state of the weather to the economy to traffic etc etc…   Well my advice is to just smile and don’t feed the conversation.. say something pleasant and move on.

Now I am not referring here to someone who is in terrible emotional pain and needs a shoulder to cry on or some help, now that is a different situation completely

Step 3: Take the Spotlight off your own troubles – Help someone out
And here is where taking the spotlight off your own troubles and helping someone else can also help you to forget about your own stuff.  There is nothing as rewarding as helping someone through a difficult time. The winter can be an important time to drop in to elderly neighbors who would love your company  or to do a shop etc. It is wonderful to feel useful. So if you have time on your hands maybe you could consider some volunteer work. I remember a number of years ago noticing how I got terribly self absorbed over my long summers when I had a lot of time and then I began doing a couple of mornings volunteer work and it was the icing on the cake that summer. I really loved it. I felt useful, knew I was making a difference and had some fun as well.. !!

Step 4: Fit Body, strong Mind! 
There is a link between staying strong and fit physically and feeling strong mentally. Yes you can overcome challenges in life easier when you are fit physically! Lately I have returned to swimming as a friend inspired me to do so. He told me how great he was feeling as he swam every morning before going to  work. So to counteract all my festive treats I have been swimming most days and already in as little as a week I am feeling great. I find it meditative, de-stressing physically and mentally, and I love how great my lungs feel after a swimming session, any little wheeze is gone! And despite all my treats in the last week I am toning up! I intend to continue with my new fitness regime and I recommend that you find one for 2012 that you enjoy.

Step 5: Cultivate your friendships 
Friends are so important in life. You can laugh, cry, have fun, share, inspire. I remember a time in my life after moving back to Cork from London when I had no close friends here and I felt like my life had a big empty hole in it. So what did I do? I wrote up an A3 sheet with the caption: Women’s  walking club starting next Monday night at 7.30. First meeting outside the local shop. I was delighted and amazed when i turned up to find 16 ladies waiting. I loved walking and talking and soon decided to buy a house in the area I was renting as I had made so many friends there.

If you would like to improve your relationships read about my upcoming one day workshop ‘Creating Better Relationships’ click here for more info

With the advent of Skype it is so easy to continue friendships even after friends move away.  Let them know this new year that you appreciate them.. The one excuse I get from people who don’t have many or any friends is often, but he said this or she did that and I didn’t't want any more to do with them.  How sad is that! I hope my friends never expect perfection from me because I know I am ‘Perfectly Imperfect’ and I remind myself of that any time they do/say something I don’t agree with and choose to forgive them and forget about it. My life is a much nicer place with them in it. So for any of you reading this.. thank you, thank you, thank you x

Step 6:  Stop Scaring People… Smile
A smile can light up a room, attracts people to you and is even said to boost your immune system! You must have noticed how if you enter a room the one person that stands out to you is the one with the wonderful smile. Everyone wants to be happy and therefore we are all attracted to others who appear happier than we are. You want to know their secret. Often going around with a constant scowl can be just a habit and so with just a little conscious effort you could, if you really wanted to,  change that habit to one that will take ten years off you. Its better than any face lift and can even change your life, attracting a new partner even business opportunities… after all who wants to work looking at a scowling face! So why not do the Smile Test!!! Go on I dare you! For one week smile every where you go… a real smile, an open and friendly smile and notice the difference it makes with those you come into contact with.

Step 7:  Tune out of Fear Mongering
Yes its important to know what is going on in the world but rarely have I listened to a news bulletin to hear a balanced view of the good news and the not so good news. Have you ever heard it said or read a newspaper headline saying ‘Peace is breaking out all over the world’ ? If you only ever listen to the bad news stories then your view of the world and the people living in it will not be balanced. I remember once when my youngest son was in his early teens he lost a 50 euro note when he was out. I asked him had he asked the bus conductor if it had been handed up and he said to me “What’s the point Mom it will have been taken” It saddened me to think that was his view of the world. I said to him that there are good honest people out there and there are more of them than dishonest people and I believed there was a good chance it was handed up where ever he lost it. I remember he said he went in a supermarket so I drove over there and was delighted to hear that a lady handed the 50 euro note up to the manager of the store. I wanted to leave a thank you gift for her but she had not even left her name. My son was thrilled and amazed! I hope my son’s view of the world has changed since that time and become more balanced. There is more good than evil, more kind actions than selfish ones and more love than hate.

Taking responsibility for the books, papers, Internet stories you read, films you watch, people you spend time with does have an affect on your view of the world. Be aware of this. Read books that inspire you, watch films that make you feel good and be around kind and positive people, all this helps you be positive and tune out of the fear mongering than can take place in the media at times.

Step 8: Cultivate Self Belief
If you believe you can do it you are already more than half way there to making it happen!  Cultivating self belief is one of the most important things you can do to create a better, happier life for yourself. A person with self belief can never be bullied, a person with self belief will always have great energy to make things happen, will always feel as good as anyone else, will always have hope for a good future, will never spend their time with regrets about the past or feeling sorry for themselves.

As a Life Coach I consider it one of the most important areas to build with my new clients because I know its like sprinkling your life with a little magic!

How can you cultivate self belief  it you might ask? There are some great books you can read you only have to go to your nearest bookstore. Often this is where most people start. Second you could enlist a life coach like myself. Third spend more time around people who encourage, praise and see the best of who you are. Susan Jeffers in her wonderful book ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway®’ calls these friends ‘Go for it’ friends rather than ‘Be Careful’ friends. Fourth you could attend inspiring workshops and I do my best to keep providing these for you e.g.

‘The Magic of Believing in Yourself’ my newest one day workshop that is taking place on 5th February.

Creating Better Relationships  another new one day workshop is taking place on 11th March and

Meditation & Creative Visualisation Workshop is taking place on 22nd April.

So you see there is lots of help out there to help you on your way through this new year.

A Special Thank You - I would like to take this opportunity now to thank all of my life coaching clients who I have coached in person in Cork and Dublin and/or through Skype in the last year. I would like to thank my Reflexology clients in Cork and Dublin for choosing me as their Reflexologist. And lastly a special thanks to those of you who have attended my workshops and courses over the last 13 years. An area that is especially close to my heart are the courses I facilitate for Matt Talbot Adolescent Services in Cork for the parents of teenagers there and I feel truly blessed for the sponsorship of these and other courses that have made it possible for people to learn and develop through challenging times in their lives.

So much has been written about living in the present, the time we call now. Sometimes I think we all live in parallel worlds. We can be fully in the moment and then in an instant we can day-dream about the future or relive the past in our minds.

Have you ever had a strong premonition about something that was either about to take place in the future or possibly about something that is presently happening somewhere else? I know I have had some very strange experiences about present and future events. The most comforting experiences I have though is when I have a very strong knowing about something that I must do. It’s like someone tapping on my shoulder saying “Its time now to do this “!   And each time I have followed through it has been so right!

I know I am guided by some unseen force. I don’t know what this is but I do trust it 100%. Some people might call it their intuition or gut feeling but to me its more like a tapping on my shoulder, a kind voice guiding me on my way.

If I am worrying about something I have no control over and feeling confused, it usually means it’s not the right time to do anything and instead to have patience and allow life to unfold and when the time is right the tapping begins, lightly at first and then more persistent.

There is so much we don’t understand. I think there is a global confusion about what life really is, who we are, why we are here, where we came from and where we go when we die. Thing is we will never know! Uncertainty is interwoven into our existence. We wake, we live our lives, we sleep, we grow older day by day and eventually we die… what for? I don’t know the answer to that, but I do know one thing.. Love is what feeds us, without it we wither inside.

The need to feel loved, wanted and appreciated is strong in all of us. Love makes new life, creates happiness and builds a strong immune system.

And when the tapping begins, I know I am part of a parallel world. I feel guided, protected and loved.

 
Love in a long-term relationship can take many different twists and turns and therefore it’s very important to maintain your own core strength i.e. loving and respecting yourself if you want to waltz through the many challenges that can test your relationship over time.

The most important thing is to keep on dancing as a couple. If you lose your footing and trip up then it’s a matter of dusting yourself off with a little TLC adding in a few steps of forgiveness and carrying on.

The ‘dance’ is equivalent to ‘communication’ and unless there is communication the dance cannot continue. Remember every perfect dance has taken many hours of practice and even when you think that you have the rhythm going great every day is a new dance. Every day is a new beginning.

We all remember that beautiful sensuous Tango in the film ‘Scent of a Woman’ where Al Pacino plays a blind retired Lieutenant (the only time he received an Oscar) and dances with the beautiful Gabrielle Anwar. This is a very sensuous, sexy and romantic dance. Although blind in the film, Pacino asks this woman out to dance on an empty dance floor in a restaurant of a hotel and she allows him to lead her in this spellbinding dance of love and passion.

How does this work? It works because he treats her with respect and gentleness and is not afraid to lead the way through the darkness.

It works because she allows herself to trust him and lead her in this dance of love . She responds to him with delight and encouragement and although they don’t know where the dance will end they stay together dipping and twirling and holding each other for support.

It is a dance that makes the woman feel loved, wanted and cherished and it is a dance that allows the man to feel strong, even in the face of adversity (his blindness), as the woman follows his lead.

He is the master, he is he composer, she takes delight in the dance they share. At the beginning as they walk onto the dance floor in the film Gabrielle tenderly holds his hand to guide him because he does not know the way and when they are in the right place then she gives Pacino a signal that they are ready and he takes hold of her gently in his arms and with confidence begins the dance of love.

So, what can we learn from this tango?
This tango that spellbinds us by the beauty and romance it expresses without the use of any words only body language.

We learn so much about how a man and a woman can communicate and support each other even through dark times. Turning on the music can be equivalent to doing something together that you both enjoy and is fun! Then the dance (communication/fun) begins!

Help each other feel good
Sharing something regularly that is fun together can help you both feel good about yourself and about each other as you give to each other. Also a woman can feed her partner’s need to be the ‘supporter and strength and protector’ in the relationship by allowing him to take the lead in the relationship when he is ready and by encouraging him and responding with appreciation and love.

The man treats the woman with gentleness and kindness, tuning into her needs both physically and emotionally and thus she feels wanted and loved.

Schedule some fun time together
The dance could be for example having a date night every week where you dress up and go out and talk to each other away from your everyday routine. Or maybe a candlelit dinner with some beautiful music. Maybe you could go dancing or hill walking or bake some cakes together or play a board game. There are many many choices, the important thing is to schedule in some ‘fun’ time together very regularly to ‘enjoy’ each other.

As men and women we have different needs. Yes everyone wants to be loved but a man wants most to be needed and appreciated and respected by his partner. A woman wants most to be cherished and loved and listened to/understood to by her man.

Love is the greatest healer
If you think your relationship has cracks in it and is going through difficult times, know that this is normal in every relationship at some time. The thing is not to give up too easily because love is the greatest healer there is. No matter how angry you may feel if you can let go and forgive the other person or just hold your partner in your arms and just be ‘present’ the anger often just melts away as you remember why you love them. It’s tuning into their heart and turning out of the argument.

There is no such thing as a ‘perfect’ partner, but you can create many many perfect moments of love together if you are willing to dance the dance of love.

Creating Better Relationships is a ten week evening course taking place in Wilton in Cork on Tuesday 22nd February from 7pm to 9.30. Two day workshop booking for Dublin shortly, dates to be confirmed this week. Private Life and Relationship Coaching also available in Cork and Dublin.

If you were here beside me I would ask you to close your eyes and bring your awareness down to your heart. If you really quieten down you will become aware of ‘feeling’ each heart beat….

Do you know the miracle that you have inside of you?  You are feeling that miracle now. All of us are looking for miracles in our lives, every day of every month of every year.. a little miracle or a big miracle to solve all our daily problems…

We spread our energy so wide and so far trying to find that something that will miraculously make us happier and therefore make our lives easier. But in doing so you are missing the biggest miracle of all, the miracle of You! 

You are your own miracle, you are the biggest miracle of your life and around you,you can witness so many miracles every moment of every day.

If you are sitting near a window now, look out and see how many miracles there are, the miracle as night turns into day, the miracle that grows the grass,that brings the spring buds to the trees, the miracle of a rainbow as it kisses the sky. .

 Connecting with and acknowledging the miracle of your own existence and the many processes that take place in your body to uphold that existence is the biggest miracle of all and out of that miracle hope is born…because all the other miracles that we ask for on a daily basis are so small smaller.

 You are so magnificent and yet you fail to know that.

 If you really knew that and lived from that truth you would easily create the little miracles that you yearn for. These miracles are born out of the miracle of you, of your life energy.Therefore it makes sense that you must live from and project from that undiluted space within yourself.

 Where you acknowledge your own life as a miracle and treat it as such. 

 Where you acknowledge your own body as a miracle and treat it as such.

 Where you treat yourself with respect and love and kindness.

 Now you are expressing the miracle of all of You and like a pebble in a pond that miracle ripples out into your life creating many more miracles as you touch the lives of those around you in a most profound way.

 God Bless you this New Year,

Namaste

Carolyn

We live in a time of the future. A time of creating goals. A time of doing and doing and doing and busyness, and we wonder why we never feel satisfied with our life now. This is often because we are so focused on our futures that we have forgotten to find some peace in the present, some fulfilment in the present, some satisfaction with what is,  rather than to be always creating, always doing and never being.

This is how we end up feeling spiritually, emotionally and mentally empty. Because we always seem to think that we will find our happiness in the future, in tomorrow, next week next month next year, in that new relationship, in that new job.

But if we can cultivate a practice in our lives that  allows us to spend more time in the now, then the quality of that nowness changes to one of acceptance, to one of peace, to one where there is no more struggle.

It is where we find the fragments of ourselves that we have put out into our futures, into our tomorrows, into our hopes, into our dreams and come back to where the peace is, to where we find that peace, to where we connect with that peace and that is in ourselves.. All those things we are looking for out there we already have … through the process of meditation, through the process of mindfulness, through the process of being in the now – We can come to live our lives more fully, take part more fully in our lives bringing peace, satisfaction, fulfilment and acceptance into the present moment.

 If you would like to learn how to meditate  you might like to book a place on one of my meditation courses or purchase a copy of my meditation cd’s  Creating Calm Meditations and Guided Meditation & Imagery for Inner Peace . I also teach people privately from my coaching room in Wilton, in Cork City. You can contact me at carolyncurtis@eircom.net

Chances are if you are tired or tense you have not been what I call ‘filling up on life’. I  have found  the secret to feeling good, feeling alive and having that sense of calmness of self that we all crave.

The most common thing that I have noticed that people do when they are tired is to head for the nearest chemist or health store to stock up on vitamins or a tonic. Well I have found my own tonic and its on our doorstep and free. The tonic is simply spending a little time in nature everyday. So you might say to me “Well I live in a city, have a busy job and therefore no time to go to the countryside. Well I am here to tell you that you don’t even need to leave the city to find nature. It’s in every garden, in every tree, follows every  bird and moves with every cloud in the sky. It’s in a starry night and in the air that we breathe on a cold crisp morning. It’s in the dew that clings to every blade of grass. It follows the birds as they search for bedding for their nests and the seagulls that head to shore on a stormy day.

When we keep our heads stuck in the computer screen 24/7 or watch telly and never leave our busy and sometimes hectic lives to connect to something so beautiful and amazing we get tunnel vision and only see the problems and keep on running through our lives.

I liken it to being like a tree, we are the branches and the trunk is what sustains us and gives us life. It reminds us that we are not alone, we are somehow all connected. There is a larger picture than our own narrow little lives and the more often we connect to this beautiful mystery of life the fuller we feel in every context.

Nature teaches us so much, from the ebb and flow of the tides that everything is transient - so it is best not to hold too tightly to what feels good (causing addictions) or what feels bad (causing more pain than necessary). From the surrender of nature to the winter cold as the trees let go of their leaves and go deep  into their roots for substance (as we can do during painful times of our lives, surrender, go within and heal)

The balance, surrender and beauty in nature is to me our filling station in life. Can you expect your car to run without petrol? Therefore why would you expect yourself to live well without experiencing the calming beauty that lives and breathes among us with a life force that grows the crops we eat, provides us with the air we breathe, the sun that encourages healthy growth and the waters alive with life that sustains us.

So for your daily tonic I recommend, a walk in the air (dare I say fresh if you live in the city!) where you drink in the beauty around you in the trees, birds and all the elements that make up nature. And maybe take a few moments in your working day to notice the exquisite beauty of a flower or the sunset as you head home or the full moon as it watches you from the starlet heavens.

Recognise that the ebb and flow of the waves is as unique as the beatings of your own heart reminding you of the miracle of life which we are all connected with….. Alone… or are we really All One!

Whenever I want guidance, I stop thinking, clear my mind and listen.

Sometimes I ask a question and listen. Often the answer comes almost immediately and sometimes it takes a little longer, though inevitably those are often the times that I have not cleared my mind completely. It’s impossible to really listen if you are still thinking.

In those moments of silence that follow it is as though the gap created between thoughts opens up a pathway that connects to a place of wisdom, a place inside you that has access to all the answers.

There is a quality in silence that is quite profound. It is a sacred sound all of itself. Silence lives and breathes.

Often when a person is trying to make a decision in their lives or find direction they think and think amidst the busyness and noise of their lives feeling mentally distracted by their fears and what if’s and should’s and wonder why afterwards they made what later appeared to be a decision that was not in keeping with their values and the essence of who they are. The remedy for this is embracing silent sitting. Tuning into the quietness so that you can truly listen and connect with your ’self’. Learning to become quiet and still and solitary.    

Even now as I write this and can hear the distant rush of the waves on the seashore outside my window and the gentle hum of central heating…… beneath all that… deep down… like a cushion beneath everything I hear… Silence.

The silence sounds deep and profound to me as though it has enveloped me in the depths of itself connecting me to the deepest part of my being where I can feel my heart beating, where my soul breathes.

It is here in all its knowingness that our answers are born. It is from this amazing place that we access our full potential to create amazing lives. It is here that we all connect to God.

Watch out or subscribe for part 3 of this series.

If you would like to learn more about meditation see the courses & workshops booking now on my website. My meditation cd’s ‘Creating Calm’ and ‘Guided Meditation & Imagery for Inner Peace’ are also available through my website www.empoweringworkshops.com I also teach meditation privately through my life coaching practice.

What if I told you that there is a space deep down inside
of you, your essential nature, that is so full of creative
potential. The potential for experiencing happiness in life
… experiencing even more than happiness, experiencing pure
bliss!. This place of creative intelligence can lead you to
infinite possibilities for leading a life full of abundance, a
life filled with emotional security, one that is not based on
fear or the need for approval or the need for control. And what if
I told you that surrounding this place in you is a sea of
turbulence, made up of thoughts like judgement,
criticism, fear or guilt. But with just a few simple steps you
could take each day you could easily access that wonderful place of
unlimited creative potential in yourself.. Would it be worth taking
an hour of your day to access this magical place inside yourself
that could change your life? If your answer is yes then watch out
for my next blog. To subscribe just tick the box below.

Even if you are in a happy and loving relationship there will be the little up’s and down’s when your partner might say or do something that does not ‘make’ you happy.

Just the same, you cannot be everything to everyone. Often this is something that creates a lot of unhappiness and struggle and grief for people. When they expect that they ‘should’ be everything to everyone. You might have heard the expression “You can’t please all of the people all of the time”, accepting this can ease a lot of pain.

If you base your happiness on having good health all of the time, chances are you will be challenged as I discovered myself many years ago while recovering from a serious illness.

If you think about it we are all made different. There is no one in this world with the same fingerprint. No one is exactly like you, even twins show some subtle differences. No one laughs exactly like you, no one dances exactly like you, no one walks exactly like you. You are unique, you are special. There are no two rain drops that are exactly the same. So even nature in its differences is perfect. I always use the expression that “I am perfectly imperfect” and knowing this I can find it easy to forgive myself when I make mistakes.

So what is the seed for lasting happiness and where do you find it? Happiness is your connection to your unconditional self and you will find it inside yourself.  And just like a seed planted, in order for it to flower and stay happy it needs constant nurturing.

How do you nurture it ?

You nurture it with by loving and accepting yourself. You nurture it by constantly forgiving yourself. You nurture it by not hiding emotional pain deep down inside yourself where it can fester and cause illness. You nurture it by not only loving and accepting yourself but being open to reaching out to others and allowing them to love you also. And in doing so, you become your supporter, your best friend. And when you have that love, that support and that acceptance you will find that it helps you to lighten up a little with others, finding it easier to forgive others for not being everything that you want them to be all of the time.

Some more added benefits… your energy improves, you sleep better, you love more and you laugh more. And you find that you take more risks… step out of that comfy little space we call your ‘comfort zone’ because you know you have the best support of all … the loving support of yourself. And best of all you become a more loving person, because you have so much more love to give and its coming from a very real place inside of you. Have you watered that little seed today?

I have written a special meditation course on happiness called ‘The Seat of Happiness’ that is booking at the moment.

I think that somewhere deep down we all have this belief that things ‘should be’ easy in life all the time and then when the boat rocks we act in horror and disbelief with the statements often uttered.. why me, why can’t life be easy and end up just feeling frustrated and angry and let down with ourselves, maybe with those closest to us, maybe with the economy, maybe with God.

It is my belief that life is meant to have those ups and downs, the beautiful happy times and the scary times and yes even the tragic times.

What I have learnt most from this past year is the art of letting go and just accepting what is happening right now, accepting other people’s journeys, other people’s fears and realising that when I do that I can stay stronger than ever.

It’s often the battle that we take on with life – only last night I heard someone who had a sore throat say to me “I’m fighting it” and I asked them why do you have to fight it? – that creates the most struggle for us. Yes in acceptance can often come sadness, accept the sadness, feel it and then move on. What would be more beneficial would be asking yourself why you have the sore throat, have you not been taking care of yourself, loving yourself, supporting yourself, being true to who you are or have you been holding in anger and frustration, holding back the words you want to say. Instead of fighting it treating yourself with compassion and kindness is the best cure of all.

So for the year ahead let’s be more aware of how we live through any challenges that come our way. You could compare them to a spiritual gym, you can become stronger and stronger within yourself when you realise that for every down there is an up in life. When there is sadness also acknowledge the joy. Focus on all the abundances often in your day that you may already have taken for granted. Be the person you want others to be for you. Be an inspiration to those around you and I promise you, you will also inspire yourself.

Because deep, deep down within all of us is an amazing reservoir of strength, of compassion, of love and when you live from that space you cast so much light and hope into those around you and you realise that your life matters so much more than you ever thought possible and Hope takes you by the hand and introduces you to Possibility, and Desire drives you to Creativeness where you meet Abundance and Joy.

I’d love to help you with this journey in this new year. I have a number of upcoming courses and workshops booking in Cork and Dublin.

I am also available to see people in my private practices:
Curtis Life Coaching and Wilton Reflexology

Wishing you good health, happiness and prosperity in this New Year.

Namaste
Carolyn